What Happens When You Die?

People hate talking about death.

If you want to scatter any group of people at any point, bring up that One Universal Truth, and most people will scatter. (Great party trick.)

Quick story. About five years ago after landing in New York City for a quick trip, Andrew and I were waiting in line for a cab at the airport. The line was long—45 minutes or so. As I’m wont to do, I started talking with the man in front of us, probably making a comment about the cold weather, and then through a string of questions and genuine curiosity, the man told me that his son had recently died.

The only thing to do, I thought, was to ask him about it. How? When? What did your son like to do? How have you all been processing it?

By the time we were at the front of the line, the man embraced me with a genuine hug, in tears.

I’m not telling you this because I think of myself as some sort of hero. I’m saying it because in the moments of conversation when it feels like you want to run, sometimes staying in the moment and asking more is the better option. I hadn’t run from him when he voiced the one scenario that scares humans more than anything—losing someone they love.

I know not everyone is keen to relive their tragedies for an audience, but it’s my general experience that people love talking about those they lost. It’s a way to keep that person’s spirit alive—and for the ones left behind, a moment to feel in concert with the deceased’s spirit. And to have someone witness that moment of presence right alongside you can make it that much more poignant.

Last week on the podcast I hosted a conversation with Nurse Julie, a hospice nurse, bestselling author and educator who spends her time on social media letting everyone know what it’s like in the months, weeks, and days before people die.

Julie walks beside these family members as they give their loved ones over to the other side. And she’s all the wiser and more compassionate for it. You need to hear her story about ladybugs too… whoo it’s wild.

Maybe you, or someone you know, needs this perspective and the incredible stories of deep peace that Julie shares. Or maybe it’s just a reminder that the next time you have a chance to stay and talk rather than run, you should.

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